Archive for March, 2010

second dance

they saw each other at a basketball game, she was preppy he was cool,the lights were dim and voices loud, and this story’s all about, a boyfriend and an ex girlfriend, now c’mon listen now. if you could change everything, what would you change, what would you do?

to have a second life, to have a second birth, to have a second pet that did not die, to have a another piece, to find all of me, to have a second chance, to have a second everything, to dance a second dance.

shes like: oh my gosh i think i broke a nail the suns bleaching out my perfect hair, twenty two thirty four, i dont know that stupid score, hey dude are you okay u sure don’t look alright,
he says: its my first game in my first life and i wish i could change that.
she says: why
and he says to her

to have a second life, to have a second birth, to have a second pet that did not die, to have a another piece, to find all of me, to have a second chance, to have a second everything, to dance a second dance with you, and to make it right by you.

shes all: maybe baby we can try this again because i like the way you say that, i thought you didn’t care no more so i sent you right out the door, but now your back and im so glad im sorri i was bad.
but guess what?
you dont need no second life.
he says: why
and she says to him

dont need no second life, dont need no second verse, not even a second pet that sis not die, don’t need another piece, Ive found all of me, you’ve got a second chance,
don’t need a second anything, but ill take your second dance, with you, ohhhhhhhh. yeah.

i fell

i fell
a long ways down
where nobodys there
to catch me
and it hurts to think that you were never there
because to myself, i pictured that you cared
but you never cared

i cant believe that i fell so far down
and i lost myself
i thought you would make me stronger
but i feel me getting weaker

i cant believe i fell into your trap
i thought you cared for me
but i guess thats just that

Tired of you
tired of what you will do
tired of falling and crawling toward you more and more
tired of waking
and breaking my own heart again
tired of crashing roses representing our love
tired of falling
its hard on the ground
but i guess you wouldn’t know

but im done falling
goodbye

The Drug Addiction

heres the unfortunate story:

oldest story in the book, she left

she was addicted since she was 13.

she didnt stop being like that.

she had me, she played my dad.

she said she loved me, and i asked her to stop.

her eyes always had black circles around them.

she was pale as snow.

then she left, for a party, i assumed.

to get more cocainne.

then i was crying, the neighborhood babysitter was trying to shove some pasta down my throat, it had been two days by then. i pictured mom passed out on the couch at the party, still hung over from the party.  i thought about daddy and how he was at work still. he worked day and night shifts all day every day of the year. but he would always come rock me to sleep.  he would hummm to me, he would rock me to peace.

i fell asleep that night without him.

it passed it was a week, now i was not hungry, or crying. i realized that mom was not there, still at the party. but how could it take that long? for a party? i thought.

the babysitter was panicking. then there was my dad. grabbed my clothes from all around the room, when we were in the car, he said, ” nicki honey, im rescuing you. your mom is not living a good lifestyle to take care of you. your grandma called and told me to come pick you up and bring you up there. so thats what ill do. ill see you all the time and talk to you everyday okay honey?’

so ive lived with my gradparents ever since. my dad calls me every nite and i see him every saturday. and my mom is not here. still. but its becuase of the drug addiction i think.

only becuase no ones reading this

only because no ones reading this ill say that i bite my toenails.

only because no ones reading this ill tell that i like hanging out with my grandma.

only because no one is reading this ill  say im soooo pretty its not even funny.

only because no ones reading this ill say, i love the movie Hancock.

heck, i love ALL will smith’s movies.

but if someone really was reading this, i would not say that. because anybody who doesn’t know me judges me. and i know like 4 people.

and the people who think they know me, well that is  like 57 people maybe more. so yes im popular, im pretty, im smart.

but if my “friends” who think they know me read this, they would think differently of me wouldn’t they???

and i don’t know what they’re expecting of me.

i look so good, (without you)

i dont need him to breathe,
i dont him to sleep,
i can carry my own weight,

but to think the same person who mended my broken heart is tearing it open again.

its ok, though. im a tough chick.

big girls dont cry.

anyway, i look better without him.

i feel better. i can see the real me.

but it hurts to smile, cause when i smiled it was him making me laugh.